"Where the heck am I?"
'Ow, my fricken head feels like some used my cranium to ring a gong. Where's the bus?'
"Hello!? Is anyone out there?"
'Hmm… maybe not the best idea to yell out into the dark wilderness, on account of the possibility of there being any wild animals roaming. Let's see if I can find any other survivors.'
'I wonder how poorly a bus has to be made to just start flying apart…'
"IS ANYONE STILL ALIVE!!!???"
'Huh, someone else actually survived that? Aside from me of course… It seems like I've been walking away from them this entire time. Good thing they woke up. Let's walk over there then.'
'Man, it's amazing that I survived that. Not even my clothes have any sort of scratches… Ah well, nothing I can do about it now. Let's just hope the other dude is as lucky as I am.'
"IS ANYONE OUT THERE!?"
'Huh, looks like I overshot the other survivors, damn hearing. Oh there they are.'
"Hello! I'm right over here!"
"Oh thank God, I thought I was the only one who survived."
"Nice to meet you too, the name's Alfred, yours?"
"Glad to see you Alfred, my name is Anthony. Have you seen anybody? Do you have a phone? Do you know where we are?
"Alrighty then Anthony, slow dow-"
"HOW CAN I CALM DOWN!!! WE'RE LOST IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!!!
"I actually didn't ask you to calm down I just wanted a second to respond to yo-"
"DEAR GOD I'M GOING TO DIE!!! I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE TO MY FAMILY!!! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!!!"
'Maybe God got sick of your yelling'
"I'M STILL A VIRGIN!!! WHY!!!???"
"FOR FRICKS SAKE SHUT UP!!! THERE COULD BE ANIMALS NEARBY!!!."
"..."
"..."
"I'm… sorry. I just… can't cope right now."
"That's okay Sorry, I'm stressed too. Do you have a phone on you?"
"... Did you just make a dad joke? At this point in time!? IN OUR SITUATION!!!???"
"Sorry, Sorry jokes are a bit of a coping tool"
"You're a pathetic person Alfred"
"I can tell that's coming from a point stress and that you're no-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! YOU'RE A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING, TAKE THIS SHIT SERIOUSLY YOU FUCKING ASS!!!"
'Hmm, I think he might not be in the best mood.'
"Alright, there's no reason to create an unnecessary divide between the two of us."
"We should think of something to get us out of here instead of yelling at each other like children."
"Fine Alfred, I'm only going to put up with you until we get to safety, then I kick your pathetic ass.
'Well, that last part didn't seem necessary.'
"Well Arnold we should get some wood for a fire, I'll see if there's some Flint nearby. You can get BUSsy by gathering kindling"
"Y'know what? Fuck you Alfred! I'm out!!!"
'Well, that lasted just a bit shorter than expected. Curse my social incompetence!'
"Whatever is out there is better than being within five hundred meters of your sorry, pathetic, ass!!!"
"Whatever you do make sure you stay dry! It's better FOR-REST, forest? That was a failure… Well, they're not all winners…"
"YOUR SOULS SHALL BE RECLAIMED MORTALS, FOR THE RAPTURE HAS COME."
'Oh neat, a harbinger of death, I was afraid that this story was going to be a non-fiction. What a well-paced story.'
"YOUR TIRADE SHALL END NOW!!! THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE WILL BE ONCE AGAIN RETAINED!!!"
"Um hello? Dude with wings? Yeah, you with the halo. Can you kindly stop it with the voice of providence?"
"YOU AND YOUR ACCOMPLICE HAVE SHIRKED GOD AND HIS SUMMONS BY REFRAINING FROM JOINING THE REST OF THE DESTINED."
"STOP YELLING AND TELL ME WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!!!"
"Fine, if you insist on claiming you ignorance you shall be punished further for your sins you infallibly ignorant homo sapien."
'At least he stopped yelling.'
"You, your accomplice, and your vessel all failed to join god upon his summons."
"I apologize for whatever the heck I've done. Speaking about what I've done, can you explain to me exactly what it was that I did to make you so peterubed?"
"You… you can't possibly be serious. You have no idea of what you've done?"
"No siree!"
"Fine. I don't know if you possess idiocy never before conceivable or you're confused."
"I'd go with both angel dude."
"…"
"God summoned your group and many other collectives from across Earth to aid in the protection of the very fabric that defines the existence of your world. You and the other mortal are the only two that managed to escape your callings."
"So what you're saying is that god summoned a whole bunch of people to another world."
"... HOW DID YOU ACQUIRE SUCH INFORMATION MORTAL!!!"
"Dunno. When God summons people to help typical fiction says they get reincarnated or sent to another world. So… I suppose it's just implied?"
"Your impudence shows no bounds. Human Alfred, I shall collect the other and put forward a proposition."
"Alrighty, Micheal Angel-o."
"I have returned!"
'Huh, that was quick.'
"Hey, Arnold, what's up?"
"You again!? I thought I'd seen the last of your pathetic ass Alfred."
"CEASE YOUR PETTY SQUABBLE INVALIDS!!!"
"FUCKING HELL, DON'T KILL ME!!!"
"..."
"I will now give you a chance. Sign this contract and you shall go to gods realm with no memories of these events. Once there you can join with the rest of the summoned and select your gift."
"And if me or Arnold say no…?"
"Then I shall have a nightmarish amount of work to do. Don't make me more angry then I have to be."
"I want to forget ever meeting this mistake of a human being, send me to God's realm your benevolence."
"Shall I assume your answer to be the same as Arnolds?"
'Did he say he'd mind wipe us?'
"Before we go I want to know some things is that okay?"
"Fine, I shall answer your questions. Make it quick."
"How long will we be gone for? Where are we going? What's the other option?"
"The world has already perceived your death, you shall be sent to another planet at random, and to find another option we'll have to talk to my superiors."
"You have superiors?"
"Every entity has a power greater than them."
"Even God?"
"God is an exception"
"Alright, angel dude I've made my decision."
"Finally Alfred, just get it over with you miserable shit stain"
"It's none of your fricken business Anthony"
"Cease your pitiable conflict. Alfred, come, tell me your decision."
"I'm not willing to let anything tamper with my brain, it's what makes me, me. Even if I anger you, an angel I won't bend on my principles."
"Fine Alfred, we go to see my superior."
'Shoot he sounds annoyed. Maybe I should have thought that out more? Maybe he thought I was WINGing it.'
"As for you Anthony, you shall be sent to the soul hub."
"Soul h-?"
*Pop!*
'Oh, he just… Vanished? I thought it'd be a bit cooler.'
"So are we going to see your supervisor now?"
"No. I have far too much correction to implement just to keep the balance. You will sleep until it is deemed you are prevalent."
"Sleep?"
"Goodnight Alfred."
"Wait I have a-"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Oof, my heckin head. Two fricken times in one day. Where am I?"
'Oh yeah... I'm supposed to meet death himself or something. Oh sweet sassafras that's a blinding light!'
'Oh snap. A court of law. I better act professional, y'know COURTeous and all that.'
'but dang, this place is sweet. It looks like the courthouse from the single episode of judge judy I watched. Huh, I guess these look a little sparse without anybody present.'
*Pop!*
"Oh high angel dude. How long was I out for?"
"You were in the stasis state for exactly: 51030 years, 27 days, 12 hours, 39 minutes, and 14, 15, 16 seconds."
"Hmm… How much time would that be on Earth?"
"On your homeworld it has been exactly:
-51030 years, -27 days, -12 hours -39 minutes, and -47, -48, -48 seconds."
"..."
"Time here is… reversed? No… does time flow in the opposite way as my world's did?"
"Time is entirely relative for beings of high enough power and intellect."
"You watch Rick and Morty as well?"
"..."
"Oh right! What are my options angel dude?"
"It's simple. In order for you to balance out the multiverse you have to kill yourself."
"... Can you say that again? I'm pretty sure I misheard that."
"Is further explanation needed?"
"Yes, very much so."
"Throughout the many versions of your planet you have varying levels of influence. In order to make up for your absence you simply have to execute as many of your counterparts as needed."
"... What will I receive in return?"
"Once enough of your influence in other worlds has been terminated you can return to your world."
"Will I be able to go back to the time when I left?"
"Negative."
"Then the hecks is the point of it!!??"
"To activate a heavenly clause to operate around your autonomy as a sentient being."
"So… you're circumventing my free will via technicality?"
"Correct"
"But… why? Aren't you supposed to be all powerful or something?"
"Interference of a being belonging to a low enough branch of reality is penalized. It's to help protect the innocent."
"Branch of reality?"
"Reality exists in tiers. You currently live in the 010001010111001001110010 0110111101110010'th tier. As you would put it "inside a simulation, inside a simulation, inside a simulation, and so on and so forth.""
"So my world was a simulation?"
"Correct. Nothing you did with your sixteen years of experience matters."
"Is my family real?"
"No. You're the equivalent of an ai that's gained intelligence. The rest are all still oblivious to their true nature."
"So… going back means nothing eh?"
"Well normally people don't hold sentiment towards their false realities. The option to go back exists solely as a precaution."
"Well that confirms it! Life is completely fricken pointless!"
"What determines your "point" Alfred?"
"Uhh… being able to actually do something, to be remembered, and having an effect on the world. Or as I know that the world means nothing I suppose the effect I have on the multiverse would be the only thing that matters."
"Your multiverse is one of many tiers as I previously mentioned. What we offer you is a fulfilling career in maintenance. It allows one to find a point in life and climb up the tier list."
'I have no other choice huh.'
"Alrighty then angel pal I'll take up your job offer. What's my salary."
"Welcome to the group Alfred. You're going to be paid in unimaginable power."
'Huh I guess that I'd have to say yes regardless of FEATHER or not I wanted to…'
"Wait! Before we move forward can you re-iterate the laws of the world? Can you do it so I can understand?"
"I just explicitly informed you!"
"Yeah but I'm still pretty darn confused as to what's going on."
"..."
"I'm sorry?"
"Fine. Are you familiar with tree models?"
"For probability or botany?"
"Obviously probability."
"As previously stated, reality exists in tiers. The overall structure I referred to as the omniverse. Each singular point is a multiverse. Of which contains unlimited renditions of a singular conceived reality. A multiverse can produce lower realities so long as it exists. But once in existence they become tangible not dependent on their makers whims. While it can expand downwards indefinitely without any huge amount of energy it's impossible to enter the producer of your realitie's, well, reality.
"So each point is a point on a tree model. Which is in itself an independent multiverse. So this would all be inside the omniverse?"
"You understand the basics of it then."
"Yay! I did a thing!"
"Calm yourself Alfred."
"Right! So, when do I start?"
"Now!"
"Wait wha-?"
A dark veil consumes Alfred's vision, rising like liquid poured into an ornate glass.
"ONCE YOU FINISH YOUR FIRST TASK IT SHALL BE FURTHER EXPLAINED."
'Huh, looks like he's multi-versed in his explanations!'