Where did anxiety come from?
It came from Ye Huang's deep, repressed memories of a previous life and all the forcefully quenched unacceptance it carried on its old ego. One's old ego, that is, their old self from their past lives would still remain somewhere inside one's mind, even after reincarnating. Then, if they had lived a wasted life, their old traumas, unacceptance and other things would lightly influence their current life by stirring their souls. That was simple and easy to understand.
However, it was problematic as well. Usually, one's previous lives' egos would remain dormant and influence the current life's souls with just a tiny bit of old emotional habits - such as fleeting thought or small impression. Such things had to be dealt with at most at the Divine Ascendance Stage, or the cultivator would be critically injured by the small interference from their previous lives.
However, it should not be dealt with, at least not in full, before the Divine Birth stage - as the cultivator's soul and ego wouldn't have been correctly re-birthed as divine and could shatter under the weight of the previous life's memories and egos.
Ye Huang wasn't aware of that, so he merely stared at the plate on his knees - and the more his stared, the more the anxiety on his heart grew. The small level hunger he was feeling wasn't enough to produce it naturally, not with his constitution being as strong as it was, but both the door to the heart had been closed for the spirit, as the fire on his heart's blood raged, as it had a tendency to grow even more - as feeling hunger while anxious also stirred his inner enemies - that is, his old personalities and egos, as well as the diminutive flaws his current ego had accumulated, as small as they may be.
The situation on his body started to escalate quickly, and in a few moments, he could feel his breath being restricted and his earthly mind becoming numbed. A little more, and his liver would be affected and his awareness would turn into anger. That is, he would be taken by frustration and throw a tantrum.
Still, tantrums were good opportunities. As all of his five souls stirred and burned with harmful inner fire from his spirit, he then begun crying, then sobbing, then raging. He got up and the plate of food fell on the ground while he jumped and screamed.
His father and mother, obviously, knew what was going on with him. However, as doting as they may appear, they were cultivators learning the parental Dao. They could not become flustered and be affected by their children's tantrums in important moments.
Seeing that his father and mother didn't come for him after he cried a bit - and that, indeed, as much as the servants tried to appease him, none could give him the comfort he desired, a deep sense of defeat found place on his heart and mind.
Contrary to before, when anxiety dominated him, now his souls begun harmfully dispersing his qi and blood. His heart, liver, kidneys, spleen, lungs and pericardium became suddenly void of energy, and his three minds collapsed. He couldn't think, he was confused and had no strength to react, and his spirit was numbed - he could not interact with the outside world with clarity. However, his two bodily souls hadn't been too badly affected - he managed to maintain his will to live and his vitality.
It was a simple childish tantrum, after all.
That is, until his old self's from past lives began to generate dispersion on his kidneys and lungs as well.
He wouldn't die or be crippled by it - it was just a little bit of despair and depression, natural for a young child when dealing with the idea of his parents being absent, as well as the idea of abandonment.
However, it was in moments like those that shadows would be casted upon one's heart. If the assumptions from his past lives where to be confirmed, then the influence they have upon him would slowly grow, and his inner enemies would start to gain the advantage.
In the best scenario, that would impose the common bottlenecks most cultivators had to deal with when cultivating - since the vast majority of cultivators would accumulate a vast amount of these small shadows through their lives, being slowly hindered and stopped in their tracks by their old egos. In the worst, he would actually develop an inner demon - that small, stupid experience would develop into a everlasting trauma which would hinder him even strongly and maybe even prevent him from reaching greater realms in cultivation!
People like Sarah's father, Yakob, would never progress beyond the First Realm First Entrance Disciple stage because they had so many inner demons that, as weak and puny as they were individually, their collective might was enough to squash the harmony between their souls, turning cultivation into something impossibly difficult!
As much as bodily means such as intense Qi Cultivation and the use of Alchemy resources could help solving this by forcing the body to generate enough Qi to forcefully appease the souls, those people would become forever dependent on their Qi Cultivation - that is, had them their Qi Cultivation destroyed, for instance, by having their lower dantian removed from them or their constitutional aptitudes crushed under the might of a Elixir-Crushing blow, then they would be unable to retain the spiritual might they conquered by these means.
A true spiritual cultivation was almost everlasting, and could regenerate even a crushed upper dantian, since the Understanding of the Dao which was conquered by cultivating one's Emptiness would be retained even after the death of body and souls!
The lower dantian is able to transform jing into qi. That is where the bodily matter can be consumed to generate boundless energy, and also where boundless energy can be consumed to generate bodily matter. It can bring eternal life. The middle dantian is able to transform qi into shen. That is where the energy can be consumed to generate soul might, and also where soul might can be consumed to generate energy. It can bring heightened senses, great intelligence, strong vitality, amongst many others. And the upper dantian is where soul might can be transformed into emptiness - as well as where emptiness pours into one's body and transforms into soul might!
The secret of the upper dantian are the past lives and the true transcendental being of all things - that which is beyond existence itself, touching the realm of gods and transcendent beings.
Ye Huang's past lives were stored on his Upper Dantian, in the middle way between his Emptiness and his Souls - like a cork which made it difficult for him to store and retrieve information from his own Emptiness.
Past lives egos are a plague all have to deal with. But, they are, as well, the source of the current strength of one's Emptiness. Like bad parents, they must be revered and we must be grateful for them - but they must as well be restrained once their unfilial ways reache unbearable heights!
Just as Ye Huang started to strengthen his Inner Enemy from a past life which experienced abandonment from his parents, as well as form a small Inner Demon, his instructor, Xiao Guan, appeared.
He also didn't need to look twice to understand what was happening to his disciple.
- Amitabha. Young Huang, what are you doing seated there?
One cannot directly influence one's Emptiness - what to say about others? All one can hope for, is for one's Emptiness to influence the Emptiness of those around them.
And, indeed, Xiao Guan's Emptiness did just that, as time, fate and luck put him on Ye Huang's path at that exact moment.
Ye Huang felt enlightened. The influence from his past live's traumas and anxieties disappeared, and something was released from his insides - in more than a way, since a great amount of harmful fire from his Heart and Lungs was immediately removed by his souls, which transferred them to his intestines, which, in turn, for being part of his lower burner, successfully transformed them on physical heat which inflamed his intestines a little bit - nothing his body couldn't naturally overcome once that dissipated.
Xiao Guan, as well, felt like something had just been released from his mind, right at the point where his current personality meets with his previous lives' personalities.
He wasn't at the Divine Birth stage yet, so he hadn't pacified all of his previous lives - but now, one of them had found solace and comfort on something his Emptiness exchanged with Ye Huang's Emptiness.
- Amitabha. - Xiao Guan put his hands together and thanked buddha for that moment.
- Teacher Guan, I'm hungry!
Xiao Guan looked at the little turnip at his feet, gratitude all over his face. Then, he noticed what was happening, and cleansed his mind and soul.
Being overcome by gratitude meant his mind would be numbed and his heart stirred. He almost fell to that trap.
The change on his expression and bodily language was clear and immediate. Even Ye Huang could notice it and tilted his head to the side.
Xiao Guan then decided to instruct his little pupil.
- Little Huang, I can see a little hue of red on your cheeks. Have you been feeling a certain constriction in your breath, as if you had drunk too much bitter tea?
- Uhm. - Ye Huang nodded.
- It seems like you have been intoxicated by your spirit. The reasons can be left for latter, but something must have generated that. What was it?
Xiao Guan wouldn't instruct Ye Huang on the matter of his past lives. This was best left for his parents, since he himself hadn't overcome his tribulations in this aspect.
However, he could help the little one a bit.
- Uhm. We were having lunch… - Ye Huang narrated what happened, and Xiao Guan's face became a little tense. However, he managed to deal with these emotions as well.
- I see. Sit on the ground, then, and allow your imagination to flow. Recall that moment and tell me what you see with your mind's eye.
Ye Huang's inner demon hadn't had time to be born, so he didn't resist when his teacher told him to do so.
Still, the red hue on his cheeks begun to deepen, as the anxiety surfaced again.
- Keep yourself only on the surface of your imagination. See only. Feeling and living the scenario your earthly mind creates can be left for more adequate situations.
As he was released from the need to relive in detail what happened and, worse, build a detailed and scary imagination about the moment, Ye Huang relaxed quite a bit, and the red hue on his cheeks lessened.
- Daddy is looking at me with bad eyes!
Xiao Guan listened with calm. It seemed like one of Ye Huang's past lives had been to a similar situation before and lived something traumatizing. Obviously, it didn't have anything to do with Ye Han looking at his son with traumatizing eyes, since his cultivation level was way above that, but it probably had something to do with a past life which had been on a situation of being around people eating, and then something like a messenger came and his father or another man of importance looked at him in a way that traumatized him.
However… that wasn't a good thing. A simple look traumatizing someone, that was bound to be related to a deeper fear or trauma. On another terms, this past life had been traumatized by something, or even had contact with another past life which was traumatized by this something, and that stare from that person brought that up!
It was a complex case, and he wouldn't be able to reach the bottom-line trauma with his capacity!
Indeed, he could force Ye Huang to do so, but that would impose a big burden on the kid! It was something better to be dealt with by his parents.
- It's okay. Just look at me and forget all of that. Let your imagination die and be calm.
Ye Huang looked at his teacher, and the experiences of this life overcame his previous lives' ones. With his current ego suppressing his past egos, there would be no harm to him, even if his past traumas went unsolved.
- Now, do you fell like you can correctly eat if you teacher is with you?
- Uhm! - Ye Huang nodded, and Xiao Guan felt a little bit of relief. If he couldn't solve the trauma, then at least he could help his disciple to lessen the strength of his inner enemies by eating with him - this way, he would have a good memory which would make his present ego stronger, helping him deal with the situation if it ever happened again in the future. With a good memory from the present life helping him, his current ego would then be able to strengthen his souls with faith on receiving help from someone once he felt like that - even if it doesn't happen. Indeed, if enough good memories were accumulated, this kind of situation would even become so easy to deal with, he wouldn't have to look for the cause at all - the previous life's ego would be dissolved and the bad experiences would then become wisdom and compassion.
Both then took new plates with the cooks and had their fill.