Otai_James

My whole life has been a pain. At times it feels like I don’t belong and at times it feels like life and I ain’t friends.

I believe the world would have been a better place without me; it’ll be better if I was with angels. Some people wouldn’t make fun of me, telling their friends they never loved me, that they only used me. The sexual perpetrators wouldn’t have done a thing to me and I wouldn’t be feeling this invaluable and unwanted as I would be no more. I don’t wish death upon myself. I know a lot has been already concluded about me but nobody knows me – and I mean nobody.

I experienced sexual abuse (rape is a very strong word) in my life, not once and not by the same person, but you’ll never hear me call men names. Instead I embrace them. I believe people are different and I believe they can also change. I have a forgiving heart no matter how bad it was hurt. Throughout my life I never met a guy who never hurt me, never treated me better. I never met a guy who respected me, never met anyone who kept it real with me. They all mistreated me and disrespected me even.

This is not about my love or past relationship experience. By telling you my life story I want you to know that I am strong enough for I have been through something that might have killed you. I became a parent at the age of nineteen and the sperm donor disappeared. Just when my son was six months I went back to school (Varsity). But my Dad got sick and quit his job and my bursary didn’t pay all my fees so I had to drop out of school. I had no one to help with my financial situation.

People kept on judging me, making up stories about me. I know what poverty is and I know how it feels like going to bed on an empty stomach. What hurts most is that I had to go all out and try to help my family with this poverty situation, but my relatives only decided to judge us. I am from a very rich family, not my parents but their relatives. It’s just that they are selfish and judgmental. But they say it’s not a size of a dog that wins a fight but a size of a fight in the dog.

That’s why I have a strong belief that my background doesn’t determine my future. And I believe I am a future and a hope for my family. Being a victim of rape doesn’t mean you led the perpetrators on, they just decided to abuse you. I am not only a victim of rape but cyber bullying as well and I never let those discourage me. They even made me stand up for myself even more…

Suicide crossed my mind so many times but I know there are people who appreciate me and who I’m living for. It’s all thanks to my son; he inspires me to work hard for us and I know every situation has its own expiry date.

I am not a victim but living proof that what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.

This is who I really am.

Table of My true life story

Table of contents

Volume 1